StyleRANT: When I Die, I Want To Come Back as Matthew McConaughey's Shirt - Stylehive

When I die I want to come back as Matthew McConaughey's shirt.

Is there an easier gig in Hollywood?

First of all the hours are ridiculous. Matthew gets up just before sunrise to walk his pecs around his trailer and then hit a few rip curlers on his 7-footer before the paps catch up with him.

Of course when he's rippin' waves he's not sporting a shirt, so you just chill and wait for him to get back to his custom Airstream just off the PCH. Around 8:30 he's back and he's stoked. He hits the outdoor shower, flashes a cheek or two to the ogling neighbors, wraps a towel around his waist and blends himself a smoothie - no whole milk, no mango and no shirt either.

By noon I'm like "hey Triple M throw me on your shoulders bro and let's bike into the 'Bu for some char burgers and rings" and he's all "sweet bro but I won't be needin no muscle masker for this trip" and he's off on his titanium Canondale helmetless and of course shirtless.

Most days I'm just hangin with my homies in M's closet, waiting my turn. In the crib with me is Bowtie, my BFF, who hasn't seen action since Amistad, Old Man Cordouroy who last touched Matt's thighs on the set of EdTV. And then there's my girl Turtleneck Sweater who lasted all of eight minutes on a date with Penelope Cruz a few years back before she was thrown to the floor.

This is the life just waitin for a joy ride on Matty Mac's shoulders to another Hollywood premiere or a night out with Lance and Jake or maybe another one of those wild bongo nights we used to have together when he was with Sandra and all.

StyleRANT is a new Stylehive feature! This one's by Woody Thompson, the owner of Eyeboogie an LA and NYC based multimedia productions company. He's one of the masterminds behind VH1's wildly succesful Pop Up Video and the brand-new, unscripted movie-review series Movie Mob on ReelzChannel. You likey the RANTy? Tell us in Comments!